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So I quit my job today at McFadden's aka the worst place ever to work. Okay, well not really but my manager was a huge bitch, the hours are horrible and if you work at night you get sexually harrassed 24/7. Not by the employees but by the customers. I called Bobby Byrnes to put myself on the schedule over winter break and then when I get back from break I'm going to find a job. I feel guilty quitting but I just could not take that place anymore. It took over my life. I thought up some goals for myself for the next couple of months: 

-Do well in all of my classes

-Find a job that I like (preferably waitressing or maybe working at a tanning place)

-Start going to the gym

-Quit smoking 

-Lose 10 lbs

-Persue modeling

-Join a yoga or pilates class

Looks like I have a lot to do but I'm ready to improve my life and be the best that I can be. I've been slacking a lot and bumming around so now it's time to get my shit together. Happy Holidays everyone!
Current Location:
My living room
Current Mood:
determined determined
Current Music:
Elf
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I havent written in this thing is so long. So much has happened and I'm finally at the point where I can write about it without getting to upset where I have to stop. James and I broke up. We've been broken up for about a month and a half. We still talk almost everyday and we hang out too. I guess we just fell out of love, which happens. I was stupid enough to think that I was actually going to marry him and that he was "the one". We both said that he tried more in the begining and I tried more in the end. Of course I still have feelings for him and he still has them for me. Part of me wants to be with him but part of me doesn't. I need this time to be single and figure out who I am and he does too. I don't want to say that we'll never get back together but the odds of it happening are slim. He doesn't want to be with me, I don't know if that means ever or just right now but I'm trying not to worry about that. I have great friends, a fun job, family, and myself to concentrate on for right now. Breaks up are probably one of the hardest lessons in life. For the first three weeks I didn't eat or sleep very much and I was just a mess. I'm better now but I need to work on eating more. I've lost about 10-15 lbs and while it doesn't look unhealthy I just need to tone up my body a little bit and get into better shape. School is going okay. I absolutely hate the 2 hour classes. It's so hard to sit there and concentrate for that long :( I love work, its so much fun and the people are really nice. I'm excited for this weekend, I'm going up to Salem to visit my Claire Bear!!! I'll update later on in the week..sorry that I've been MIA.
Current Location:
My lovely apartment :-)
Current Mood:
calm calm
Current Music:
The traffic going by
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I can't believe it's already July 20th. Where has the summer gone? 

I leave for North Carolina tomorrow with James and his mom. I'm really happy that we're getting away for a little while. This vacation is coming at a perfect time. I can't wait to just lay on the beach all day and not have to worry about work and money situations and all of that other crap.

My cousin came down for a few days this week. She's sick...not physically but mentally..very sick :-( I feel so helpless. I don't know what I can do for her. I guess just spending time with her was enough because she seemed to appreciate it a lot. I'm glad I made a little bit of a difference.

Last night I went over to Liz and Claire's house for a little bit. At first it was Liz, Claire, Meaghan, and I but then Meaghan left to go to Mashnee Beach Club. It was nice to just hang out and laugh and drink some beers with my girls :-) Claire and I had a little chat with Liz but I don't think we got through to her. She's in denial. Everything we said went in one ear and out the other. She needs more help than what Claire and I can give her.

It's scary growing up and finding out that so many people in your life are hurting. My best friend and my cousin. I wish we were all kids again when no one had problems and we played with Barbies all day..

Well now its off to run errands and pack. I'll update in a week.
Current Location:
My house
Current Mood:
relaxed relaxed
Current Music:
The dryer
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I wish that I could follow that quote. I wish that I was strong enough to let things go, but I'm not. Things haven't been going that well. James and I have been fighting a lot..same exact thing as last summer. The only friend I can truly count on around here is Claire. Work isn't so bad but thats the only thing thats going right.

Tonight Torey was having people over here house to drink and just do whatever. Her excuse for why I couldn't come over was because "there would be too many people and too many cars." FUCK HER. I've been nothing but nice to her since the 8th grade and she always fucks me over like this, always. She constantly has to be putting people down and has to always be in control. I've taken it for so long and now I'm done. I don't need her friendship or her bullshit. She couldn't even tell me to my face that I couldn't come over she had Claire do it. I could tell Claire felt bad and she even offered to hang out with me instead of them but I told her not to worry about it. Thank God for her. 

Melinda was supposed to come down to the Cape tomorrow and go to the beach and what not but I called her tonight to give her directions and she still hasn't called me back. I feel bad that she's in Providence all by herself. Hopefully she'll come down sometime in August.

Six more days until North Carolina :-) I want things to start getting better instead of worse. I can't wait to go back to school...

Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
sad sad
Current Music:
Third Eye Blind
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Today sucked ass. I'm so frustrated right now. Let's start off with the fact that just today Joanne and I found out that we have less than a month to find a new roommate for our apartment. That's going to put so much stress on us when everything was supposed to be all set and we were supposed to be enjoying our summer. I called into work today because Claire knew of this party but that fell through so now do I not only have no plans but I also lost out on money. I tried to talk to James about it but nothing new, things with him are weird too. He acts like he never wants to hang out and I can never really talk to him about anything cause I sometimes feel like he isn't even listening. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep but thats what I did last night so tonight I'm getting shitfaced and just not caring. I'll update later on how it went.
Current Location:
My house
Current Mood:
pissed off pissed off
Current Music:
The Red Sox game
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This past weekend was a really fun one. Friday night I went out to the bars with James and his friends. I got completely shitfaced which usually happens when I don't drink for a while, also I had barely eaten anything that day..woops! It was a fun night overall though. Saturday night I worked and even though it was pouring out it was still really busy. I didn't get out until 10:00 p.m. but after that I went with Liz and Claire to a hotel "get together" in Hyannis. It was pretty fun, it was only a few of us hanging around drinking beers. My ex-boyfriend who is good friends with James texted me and said "I'm at a party near your house, you should come" what a loyal friend huh? I love how he tries even though he knows I'm in love with James and totally do not want anything to do with him romantically. Sunday I woke up kind of early because my family thinks its okay to be super loud at like 8:00 a.m. when I came home at 3. I got my nails done with Claire and then went shopping with James. Then James and I went back to his house and he made fetticini alfredo with shrimp, it was amazing, that boy is SUCH a good cook :-) After that we watched Just Friends which is kinda funny but mostly pretty stupid. I worked 10:45-4 today at the restaraunt (sp?) and I'm hoping to have a fun night tonight!
Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
cheerful cheerful
Current Music:
The Red Sox game
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Things with James and I aren't much better. We fought this entire week so far and he started having this conversation with me that made it sound like he wanted to break up with me. We were laying on his bed and he was like "You know, maybe we don't communicate well because of our age difference" I was like are you kidding me? You're gonna bring up the age difference NOW? After over two years of being with me? I've come to the realization that during the summer we fight so much because we're around each other too much. But it sucks because we wait all year to be 10 minutes away from each other and then this happens. I guess we're just gonna have to spend more time apart. I just don't want a repeat of last summer and that's what it's looking like so far :( I knew I was going to jinx us when I said everything was great. I fucking hate boys and relationships.
Current Mood:
sad sad
Current Music:
This Years Love-David Grey
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I hate how everyone thinks that just because I live on the Cape that I dont have a life. Just because MY life is YOUR vacation doesn't mean that I don't have to work and do regular people things. AHHH!! It's so frustrating.
Current Location:
Work
Current Mood:
busy busy
Current Music:
Grillz-Nelly
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Things with James and I are fine. We talked things out and we've actually spent a lot of time together these past couple of days. I have a feeling that this is going to be an awesome summer. It's already starting out to be good. Yesterday I went to the beach with Meag and Liz, then went over to James' pool for a little bit and then we went to this bar with Pete and Britta called Trader Ed's which is right on the Barnstable Harbor. Today I went to the beach with Liz, Sam, and Tor and tonight, tomorrow night and Thursday night Torey is having people over :-) cause her parents are gone. I'm soooo excited!! This is what a Cape summer is all about. Beach and parties. Well I have to go now and work at the tanning place from 4-8. I'll update later!
Tags:
Current Location:
My house
Current Mood:
excited excited
Current Music:
Nada
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Remember how I said things with James and I were fine? Yeah, today totally ruined that. As I working I was thinking maybe James and I will be fine for the rest of the summer, just a random fight here and there but nothing like last summer...WRONG. Last night we were texting while I was at work and we made plans to hang out today. So last night after he got out of the bar he came over to my house and slept over. This morning he said "call me when you get out" I told him that I would be out at four. So I call him and he's playing golf with his brothers. I understand that he wants to spend quality time with them but it really pissed me off that we had already made plans and he didn't even consider that he just went off and played golf with them. So then he says "yeah afterwards we're going back to my house to play poker and drink and you can come over if you want to" Oh thanks for the fucking invite James! HELLO you fucking douche bag, we had plans already!! Oh my god, I can not tell you how angry I was. I was shaking because I was so pissed off. Add that onto no sleep and 11 hours of work...I just blew up. Then he tried to tell me that "I've been in a bad mood all summer" I'm like well yeah when you do shit like this it isn't going to make me happy. This isn't the first time he's done this either. He did it a few weeks ago. I don't know what to do we didn't fight for like four days, now we're back to fighting....? :(
Current Mood:
angry pissed off
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